Krankenhaus Misadventure

So, you may be wondering what a Krankenhaus is. Well, krank means sick, and haus means house. Add the 'en' for plural and you have House of the Sick which is the German word for hospital. Gotta hand it to the Germans with their compound words and literal translations. This language is starting to grow on me.

Now, I didn't think I'd be the first one to visit our local hospital of the three of us, Elowyn being the most likely candidate with broken bones in the past and the like, but here I was this morning on their doorstop after a little bit of a panic this morning when my neon pink wax ear plug got stuck in my ear canal. Asked Steven to help dislodge it with tweezers, but alas, he was breaking it into pieces and inadvertently pushing it further in 'til I was asking "What?" after each sentence. 

As a teacher, I have often prayed for even 5 min of silence during the school day...just 5 minutes! But here I was temporarily deaf in one ear with memories of my younger sister's ear stuck with cotton resulting in some permanent hearing loss. So, since my new doc was on holiday, off I went to the krankenhaus. Luckily, it's only a 3 min walk, but I used google maps to find the entrance. Didn't even look like a hospital. The area around it was full of grass and flowers, fountains and lots of wooden benches; more like a convalescent home, or a spa.

I walked in and the elderly gentleman at the desk was fully engrossed in a Spiegel magazine. There was no one else around, no one, and it was almost 9am.

I decided to try out my German on him after looking up some key words like Ohr for ear. Armed with some pertinent vocabulary, a smattering of English and using props and hand gestures, I stated why I was there, pointed to my right ear, showed him the other offending neon pink earplugs and flashed him my new bonafide health card. 

No response. I was thinking that I might have to repeat the whole thing when he waved vaguely to his right and said something about an ambulance and then went back to the article in his magazine.

Ok, it wasn't an emergency, but I thought maybe I was at the wrong entrance. So I walk down a hall and don't see a soul, nor hear a thing. No announcements over a P.A, no code red, blue or pink. No patients, Nothing! 

I doubled back and started peering through open doors and windows, but seriously, no one was around. Finally, success! A woman in white suddenly turned a corner and I hurried over before she disappeared. She looked official and had a name tag so I repeated my spiel and she said in German that they don't look at nose, ear and throat patients at the hospital and that I must see Dr. Baumann instead. 

Dr. Baumann? I pulled out my phone, showed her the map of our town and asked her to show me where he was. For answer, she instead pointed down and said in English that I must go upstairs, through the cafeteria, through the garden, turn left, arrive at the cross (at this point she crossed her arms), and he's right there! I pointed up, "Upstairs?" "Nein", and she pointed down. "Oh, DOWNstairs? "Jawohl!" And with that she hurried away to take care of the invisible patients.

Found the stairs and followed the aroma of food past an enormous kitchen busy with chefs cooking at the cafeteria. No french fries in sight. Pasta, potatoes, stews and soups, salads and roasted chickens. Steaming hot. And there were people here! No patients, maybe visitors, or people looking to get a home cooked meal. 

Found a door to the outside and into the garden. It was an oasis of green. Fountains, running water over river stones, sleeping ducks, and trees, wildflowers and long ornamental grasses. Very peaceful. Chairs, tables and benches were scattered around inviting you to sit and rest, but I was on a mission to find Dr. Baumann, so off I hurried along one of the paths.

The wrong one apparently because when I came to a gate to the outside, it was locked. Deep sigh and backtracking til I came upon another path which led to a gate that was fully open. Out I went, pulling my iPhone from my bag to get my bearings. So for the next 10 minutes, I walked up, then down the street checking each building's postbox for a Dr. Baumann. 

I finally found the place and walked up 2 flights, then had to buzz to enter. I gave the receptionist the same story, now told three times; she nodded, took my health card and gestured to a waiting room. There was only one other person, a man dressed head to toe in black leather with a motorcycle helmet by his side. I sat down and he stared at me. Was my neon pink ear plug visible? Other people started arriving one by one and each time they entered said "Gutentag" (Good day) to the whole room. We all said the same back, over and over again like greeting colleagues. I grabbed a Brigitte magazine to see the fall fashions and fall destinations to travel while the woman two seats from me was hacking up a lung.

I glanced at her and she wasn't covering her mouth! I stared at her, but still, she was hacking, except now into the magazine. Oh God! I looked down with horror at the magazine I was holding, envisioning other patients who had hacked their germs into the glossy fashion pages and hurriedly dropped it back on the table while moving three seats away from the offensive hacker. I searched my purse for Purell, but damn, it was in my other bag. Mental note to get one for all purses. Didn't have a scarf to cover my nose either from the hacker and was seriously contemplating stepping back out to the other room when my name was called, not that I heard, but everybody looked at me. Really?!? Like how did they know?

The receptionist called louder, "Frau Hille?" And then I got up in a hurry and went to the next room where the doctor shook my hand. Now, I'm not used to doctors shaking my hand, but here in Germany, everyone shakes hands when they meet you. At Elowyn's school, all the teenage kids shook her hand when introducing themselves. All of them. Unheard of in North America where you're more likely to get a "Hi" and that's about it. Even little kids are taught to shake hands in greeting and to say their name clearly. Good manners never go out of style. 

Anyway, In the doctor's office was a woman whose sole job was to record the appointment. She smiled and was typing away on a computer as I told the doctor why I was there. He looked at the pink ear plugs, said something in German which made the woman laugh and proceeded to look in my ear with a light. "Hmmmmm...ahhh...Mmmhmmm...then he stuck in an instrument and started probing. At this point, I started to say the Hail Mary silently hoping that he A) didn't push it in further, B) puncture my ear drum 

Well, none of the above happened and voilà, he dislodged the ear plug. Then he asked me if I wanted to keep it. Maybe like a trophy!? Anyway, I declined and started rambling on about what a relief it was to hear in that ear again and how I had to wear them because my man snored while the woman at the computer laughed and typed away.

I left happily, smiling even at the hacker in the waitingroom. 

So what did I learn: Their hospitals are only reserved for serious medical issues. Other things like being sick with colds, the flu or things like what happened to me are delegated to specialists outside the hospital environment. Waiting time in foc's office was 10 min max. Don't know about broken bones yet and hope not to find out.

Container Christmas

Greetings of the day! If it's Sept. 2nd, then it's Container Christmas...at least for us. This was a term coined by my friend Anne, who had her own container Christmas last year, except hers was full of goodies from the Middle East and South East Asia. 

Our stuff is from Canada, so not as exciting, but there are gems that we discovered, oh yes, like the garlic press and our bikes, and pots and pans, and plates...oh wait, the plates didn't make it, nor did our beach towels and some clothing and tools and Steven's keyboard. So one or two boxes were either:

A. Highjacked

B. Made its way to someone else (it was a shared container) 

C. Fell off into the ocean and floated far, far away (thinking of Madagascar movie here)

Soooooo...Someone else is having their very own mini container Christmas...somewhere....

Waiting to hear what happens next, but it doesn't look good because we signed a whole bunch of papers that were in German and we didn't know what we were signing, much like signing lawyer-speak papers for buying a house except it's in another language and there's no friendly realtor in the room to explain what it actually says. Could have signed away my first born for all I know ! Plus, no one spoke a lick of English and the German words were bigger than the English alphabet, so google translate was useless, as usual. Folks, there is money to be made to create a reliable translating system APP. I would gladly plunk €10 on the table for such a thing. Whoever created this would be a freakin' billionaire! 

But enough on that. The huge orange truck arrived noisily at 8:15 am making us popular with the neighbours. It had gone down our narrow medieval, cobbled street, gingerly avoiding all the dozens of bins parked everywhere, because, yes, it's garbage day too! Miraculously, the driver found the ONLY two empty adjacent lots right in front of our apartment. They squeezed as close to the side as they could and the truck let out a final sigh, (of relief?), as it cut the diesel engine. 

Yay! They started right away to unload crates and wooden boxes of our stuff. It took us hours to unpack, and put stuff away. Glorious to now have a can opener, and my cutting knives! It has been HELL cutting everything with one small paring knife for the last 5 weeks. A PARING knife, people! 

And, I will enjoy all the extra feather pillows I packed. Missed those! One pillow just doesn't cut it. Elowyn missed all the excitement as everything was put away, and I personally folded her clothes, organized her drawers and wardrobe cupboard, then called Steven to show him the result. He admired my handiwork by saying, "Better take a picture of it because you won't see it like that again!" Sadly, it's true; Elowyn has not discovered the joys in keeping her room tidy and organized...and her room is virtually empty too! You would think... Oh forget it.  

Later in the evening, I stopped at a shop to look at their book collection. Steven, buoyed by his success in the kindergarten, grade 1 lesson book we got for free is moving on to short stories like 'Plötzlich Vampir' meaning 'Suddenly Vampire' about a kid I guess who becomes a vampire? Haven't read or translated it and I could be wrong, but Steven is really eager to sink his teeth into that one! He also bought 'The Little Prince' in German called, 'Der Klein Prinz'. Elowyn pointed out Princess and Unicorn books to him, but he said he'd pass. 

Unpacking was a lot of work, but we celebrated by a night out for dinner at an Italian restaurant, followed by ice-cream and a leisurely stroll home. The market square was full of people having dinner and enjoying the lovely night air. A nice end to a busy day.

First thing we're going to do today is take our bikes out for a spin to another town. Germany has lovely bike paths, and we're hoping one goes to Linderhof because they're having a street festival of craftspeople and their work in carving wood, blowing glass, spinning clay etc. All the craftspeople will be dressed in medieval or traditional costume and of course there will be wine, beer, all sorts of food and music. My kind of party! 

German Supermarkets

Guten Tag everyone,

Today it's all about grocery shopping. First, you can't just take your wallet and go, you'll have to plan first. For example, do not, I repeat, DO NOT leave the house without grocery bags, because not all stores have plastic bags to sell you. And they cost about .30 Canadian and all those .30 add up which could buy you a nice pair of shoes, so...bring your bags.

Also, you cannot always expect parking, so you may have to walk, and if you do walk, then forget the bags; you need a handy dandy Euro covered grocery cart to take with you. Now, they're pricey, but if you like a bargain, like me, then you go to a Troedl Markt (flea market) on a weekend where you can score a gently used cart for €10 which is $15. I have more than got my money's worth from the one I picked up the second week we were here.

Now, of course you will want to go down every aisle to see what kind of food and goodies the Germans have, and you will discover that there are some familiar brands on the shelf like Heinz Ketchup, but expect to pay double the price.

Also, do not be tempted to buy the biggest size because you reason that it's the best bang for your euro, because then you'll get home and find you do not have room in your tiny Euro fridge and will have to eat the whole thing in one day!

You will also discover a bun and pastry machine. Pictures of crispy Euro buns and pastries are pictured above, press a button to select your desired bread, and lo and behold, your bread pops out of the machine. The first time, I bought like 5 different things just for the thrill of watching things slide out of it!

You will also see milk in tetrapac 1L cartons. There are no jugs, no bags and no 2L sizes; remember the small fridges? This milk can sit in your cupboard until you open it, but Steven is very anti-tetrapac milk saying it must be full of preservatives and tastes metallic, so we're a 1L fresh 1.5% milk family. And the 1.5% tastes better than the 10% milk in Ontario, so even though we love cream in our coffee, we've switched to the 1.5%. Whatever Alpen wildflowers and grass those cows are eating, produces the most delicious milk imaginable.

You will also see a lot of packages in written in German and you will have no idea what it says or what's in it, so you will spend a lot of time using up expensive data on your phone to translate everything. Steven once came home with what he thought was a big box of dishwasher tablets, but no, they were washing machine tablets for clothes. Luckily, I translated the box at home before we ruined the dishwasher. Close call folks, but then in Canada, when you see a box of Calgon, and a picture of what looks like a dishwasher at first glance, you think dishes to be cleaned. Of course, if he'd turned the box around, the picture of clothes on the front might have been a clue that this was for clothes.

Anyway, everything is in small packages...EVERYTHING! It's like buying travel sized food. O.k. Just kidding, they're not that small, but still.

So, you're trying new things and loading up your cart which you paid €1 for and then you head for the cashier. Just follow the line of people, and don't worry, the line goes swiftly. Why? Because people are buying relatively small amounts because of their tiny fridges and storage, and also because of the cashiers.

So here's what's up with the cashiers: they're robots, not real robots of course, but automative humans. They are sitting, not standing. There is no eye contact. They start scanning your items: ping, ping, pingpingpingping! Faster and faster and sliding it away to an area the size of a small tray. Now, of course you've been watching all this speed pinging with fascination, not realizing that your stuff is piling up at the end, then teetering off the edge. The cashier will mumble something in German which you take to mean, 'Do something with your stuff!'

Now, of course, if it's your first time, you have no bags, so you look helpless at the cashier and they mumble something again and they throw a few bags at you and add the bag cost, then start pinging madly again. You start bagging your groceries thinking, ok, this is like a 'No Frills', but then start to panic when the cashier is not slowing down.

You think, maybe your cashier has gone off the deep end, so you look around to see if anyone else is noticing this madness. Then you reach the awful realization that ALL the cashiers are madly pinging away and the customers are hurriedly whipping their stuff back in the grocery cart as quickly as possible. No one is bagging anything! Kids were helping, both parents; it was not a one person job!
So, then, you start madly throwing your stuff haphazardly back in your cart and aren't finished when the cashier gives you the total and then you must stop the piling up in the cart and pay. So you get out your wallet and change purse, but then aren't fast enough selecting the right change, so the cashier reaches their fingers into your hand and takes the coins he needs. But then you are stunned and don't even know if he ripped you off and besides that, he touched your hand. WHAT!?! But you don't have a lot of seconds to absorb this because now you have a receipt in front of you and the cashier is madly pinging the items for the next customer and you still haven't got your stuff off the tiny tray sized area which is now being filled with groceries from the next person! I swear, I had a flashback to the 'I Love Lucy Show' where Lucy and Ethel are wrapping chocolates on a conveyer belt and can't keep up!

It's at this point that you break out into a sweat and literally throw the rest of your stuff in the cart and wheel it away feeling dazed. You notice that there are tables set up away from the cashiers and this is where shoppers are bagging their groceries. You go there too and sort your stuff and wonder, 'What just happened?'

But it's not over yet because you notice that people are taking their receipts and scanning them in front of a machine with a card. You look around and find new cards, then ask the person at the information desk in broken German English what to do. You will find that they don't speak a lick of English and because you uttered some German to them will assume you are an expert and assume you know exactly what they said...but you don't. It's at this point that looking puzzled will help you because they will go to the machine and do it all for you except since THEY did it all, you will have no clue what to do next time and will have to ask again. Then, and only then, will you wheel your Euro cart away and ponder everything.

And that was my first grocery shopping experience in Germany at a supermarket, swear...to...God.

German Schools

It's hot and sunny in our neck of the woods in the NordRhein-Westfalen region. Hot as in 37C with the humidity. No AC here either. Germans not big on that kind of technology, so we're making do with fans.

I miss being at Port Elgin this year and staying at the beach house and seeing and talking to our local friends there. It was, and is my nirvana.
Hope everyone is well and is enjoying the summer. It has been a hot, dry, sunny one here in Europe and Canada.

Elowyn started school two days ago, but is yet to have a full day as the teachers let them go around 12:30pm if it's hot! I know, right!?! Unheard of in Ontario!
She brought home a bunch of papers for me to read and sign and I spent hours using google translate to try and decipher them. Well, google translate sucks at translating. Really sucks! Maybe it's the 25 letter words, or the way verbs end up at the end of the sentence; I don't know, but the translations are hilarious and don't make sense. Eventually, I get the gist of it, but it is very time consuming to say the least.

E was really nervous about school and cried and cried and of course blamed me, the mother for making her come here, having to learn and speak German, leaving her friends etc. etc. If the moon turned blue, she'd blame me for that too! She had easy homework in geography yesterday about learning the names of the 16 states and their capitals and cutting out the states, colouring and labeling them and gluing them to the big map. Didn't want to do it, so I made her do it, and helped her memorize the states creatively by saying, 'And that's Hamburg, where our container landed after crossing the ocean. And there's Bremen where our container is sitting after going through customs. Oh, and there's Bayern where you visited Jon and Luisa and climbed one of the Alpen bergs. And there's Hessen where many of your Opa's family lives. etc, etc.

I told her that Steven and I would learn with her and that seemed to placate her, so we'll be playing 'Name that state and capital' tonight!
School begins at 7:55 am. Now for our night owl, this is absolute torture to get out of bed at what she deems the ungodly hour of 6:30am! She then has to get ready, eat something, walk about 6 min along Wallstrasse which is Wall street because lo and behold there is a stretch of a castle wall in partial ruin along the way. Then she has to catch a bus that crosses to Kaiserswerth where her school is; a 20 min ride.

Her school is a religious affiliated school, (Protestant), and gets some funding from the church. As such, her Schokoticket, which is her transportation pass for the month is only €12 instead of €35 for public schools. She will be taking religion as a course at the school, but has the option of taking the Catholic stream.

Elowyn has 7 classes a day approx. that are 45min. long with a 5 min break between classes. Between period 2 and 3 and between period 4 and 5 there is a 15 min. break to eat and use the bathroom because there is no lunch break until school ends at 2:05 or 2:55pm.

Yesterday, Elowyn was amazed to see students literally wolf down a sandwich during one of the breaks. She had only finished a carrot! Then later realized there is no lunch break til the end of classes! So typically, students would then eat their lunch and then go on to participate in several dozen clubs in the school including arts or sports. This is to ensure that there are no interruptions to the academic part of the day. Even assemblies and the like are held afterwards.
Her school is a Gymnasium school or Grammar school which starts in grade 5 and goes up to grade 12 and prepares them for university. Children are streamed in grade 4 to attend either Gymnasium, Realschule, Hauptschule, or Gesamtschule school based on their academics.

Gymnasium education is required for anyone planning on tertiary education. Most academic students will go on to study at a Gymnasium between the ages of 10 and 18 (years 5 to 13). There are 32–40 hours of lessons a week and lots of homework.They will study a broad range of subjects at a high standard, including two compulsory foreign languages (often English, French, Spanish, or Latin) plus sports, music and art lessons. Students can also choose to take more advanced 'honours' courses (Leistungskurse).

Realschule is a school for intermediary students who attendbetween the ages of 10 and 15/16 for five years (grade 5 to 10). This is the most common form of secondary education, and while it is below Gymnasium education, it can still offer a high academic standard. They study a range of subjects, including a compulsory foreign language; students can opt for a second language (usually French). Studies culminate in a diploma which allows students to take training courses leading to vocational qualifications, an apprenticeship in a commercial trade or the medical profession, or further courses leading to higher education. Upon graduation, academic achievers can transfer to a Gymnasium to continue their studies if they wish to enter university.

Hauptschule is a vocational school for less academic students aged between 10 and 15 or 16. There are five compulsory years in grade (5–9) but students can choose to stay on for grade 10 if they wish. It is generally considered the least demanding of the secondary school types but is highly appropriate for those wishing to enter a trade or an apprenticeship in certain industrial sectors. Students receive a basic general education with a focus on mathematics, computer science, German and one compulsory foreign language (usually English), plus vocational skills. It essentially covers the same subjects as the other secondary schools, but at a slower pace and with some vocational orientation. At the end of grade 9 they receive a certificate or diploma. If students stay on for grade 10 they are given an extended diploma.

After graduation, students can enter an apprenticeship (Lehre) in a manual trade and continue with part-time studies at a vocational school or Berufsschule until they are 18. Academic achievers may be able to transfer to a Gymnasium if they want to obtain the necessary level required to enter university.
Vocational Schools (Berufsschule).

After the Hauptschule and Realschule, the Berufsschule combines part-time academic study with an apprenticeship. At the end of grade 9 and 10, students want to work in certain professional or vocational jobs can combine part-time education and on-the-job training for two to three years at these schools:

Berufsfachschule – full time vocational school;
Berufsaufachschule – extension vocational school;
Fachoberschule – technical school;
Berufliches Gymnasium/Fachgymnasium – vocational upper level of gymnasium;
Fachschule – advanced technical school.

Students can undertake a range of work-directed studies, such as economics and specific business studies, usually related to an apprenticeship. The successful completion of an apprenticeship program can lead to certification in a particular trade or field of work.

After full-time vocational schooling, students in years 10 to 12/13 receive the Zeugnis der Fachgebundenen Hochschulreife, which also gives them access to higher education.

Gesamtschule is open to all students. Students are streamed according to their ability within the school. At the end of grade 10 they can leave with a Hauptschulabschlus diploma and go on to take an apprenticeship (Lehre), go to a vocational school, or stay on for a further three years to take the Abitur for university entrance.

I know there is controversy in Canada about streaming kids at grade 5, but it works really well here because there isn't such a difference in learning levels in the classroom, nor the behaviour problems that go along with it. If Johnny doesn't have the discipline, maturity, or motivation to learn or study by grade 4, there are other options. The great part about this system is there is always a chance to go to university once the student has the maturity etc. It just takes longer.

Also, in grades 9-12, if you fail 2 subjects, you must take the ENTIRE year over! So, there is particular motivation for students to knuckle down and focus. Still, there is no stigma ( except you will miss your friends), to repeat a year and there are different ages in each class. On the flip side, students can go to higher levels. For example, Elowyn is not in grade 8 English, she is in grade 9 English. But if I see that it isn't challenging for her, I will request a higher grade, same thing in French.

Students start taking a third language in grade 6; usually French or Spanish. (English classes start earlier at age 8 or so). Since Elowyn was in the extended French program last year in Toronto, she is way above her peers, so I requested she be put in a higher grade. It's good because she will be exposed to more German students as opposed to the 12 students ranging from ages 13-17 in her German Language Prep class. Elowyn is the youngest and only 13 year old at the moment.
Anyway, most important thing for Elowyn this year is to learn German and become fluent. I will make sure at home that she keep up with math which is important for high school when she returns next year.

That's all in a nutshell. I'm sure she'll be home early again today as it's 34C in the afternoon, plus it's Friday and all the teachers will want to leave for the weekend. Yeah, I'll probably see her by noon!
Keep cool!

German Supermarkets...the Adventure Continues.

Well, you all thought it was over, that nothing more was to be said about shopping, but you were wrong.

Elowyn of course has ducked out of the whole shopping experience for the most part. It's like the plague to her. She has a ready excuse every time, and now that school has started, doing homework is her mantra... except that as soon as the door clicks shut, she turns on 'Gossip Girl' from Netflix. How do I know? Because I watch it with her, and I missed a whole romance. She assures me it was nothing, but what the hey!

Anyway, Steven drove home from work and called to meet him on the road outside our apartment since there's usually no parking available right in front. I came down carrying two boxes of empty plastic bottles because you get money back for them since you pay a hefty deposit, up to €.25 for one which is included in the price. Interestingly enough, you get zilch for returning beer or wine bottles, although there must be a money back place since I always see a few people at every festival or event here going around collecting beer and wine bottles. I don't think they'd do it without a return on their time and energy...although a lot of Germans are recycling ninjas, and probably think they can save the planet and clean up the giant plastic garbage swirl in the Pacific ocean, so maybe? Ah well, that's a secret I haven't discovered yet, but will have to soon, because our collection of said items has been growing lately, and is starting to take over the spare room, especially with the recent hot weather over here.

Our go to store for more interesting food and house items is Real, pronounced, Ray- el. Steven refers to it as Riel, our famous Canadian freedom fighter. We scored prime parking and pay €2 this time for a cart. Apparently, unbeknownst to me, Steven has been experimenting using different coins of whatever he has in his pocket; €1 €2 and even €.50, but that was a bit tricky to get back out. I wonder if anyone else has done this? The sign did say to insert only €1. Steven is a bit of a maverick concerning shopping cart protocol. Reading instructions is not his forte. He definitely does not do things 'the German way'.

First stop was the plastic bottle return. It's all automated. Now, after 7 weeks here, it's old hat to me, (I endured Elowyn's endless laughter as I tried to figure out how to use the machine the first time, because you know, it's all about automation here! Anyway, today was Steven's first time and I decided to give him a bit of a show flushed with confidence.

I introduced the machine to him and showed him how to insert the bottle in the round opening. He watched intently as the machine spun the bottle around to read the bar code and up came the number, €.20 for a return. The bottle disappeared somewhere in the bowels of the wall. Wow! he said. I felt smug that I was the plastic bottle return expert of the family. Again, and again, a bottle was inserted and the amount of euros started to climb. Felt a little thrilling like playing Blackjack...just a little. Then came the last bottle. A spin, then an abrupt halt, a noise, and the bottle was unceremoniously spit out, rejected. Now what? Did we break the machine? I inspected the offensive bottle and identified it as coming from Aldi, a discount competitor store and not a Real Brand. How snobby. But at least we didn't break anything, because trust me...we have done so since we got here. #readthedarninstructions! Whew! We pushed the button and got a receipt for just under €3 to use for our next purchase at Real.

As for the other bottle, Steven looked around for somewhere to put it. There were two huge metal recycling boxes behind us. One said Papier for paper, the other said Kunst...something or other. I know kunst means 'art', so that's where the maverick put it. Don't ask.

So, we only came to Real to buy milk and get E some more school supplies, like specific folders with numbers on it. We saw a bunch of parents milling about in one area with paper lists clutched in their hands trying to buy the right folders and loose leaf paper for junior. Again, we were fascinated by the differences. Look, only 2 holes in their binders. Wow, look at this cool folder. We took photos and texted E for approval. She said to get it all. Really, all of it? And how's math coming along, hmmmm?

Moving on to the Oktoberfest display. Yes, I know, it's still August, but it's never too early to get your lederhosen on. Authentic leather, like my dad used to wear while fixing the car and doing chores around the house because they didn't rip easily and took spills well, and because my mum wouldn't allow him to be caught dead in them in public. I used to think they were his work uniform, until I learned otherwise; I mean, where else are you going to wear lederhosen?

I held a pair up for Steven with encouragement. He didn't take the bait, and said no way! I think he still had visions of Chevy Chase in European Vacation. Pity. Oktoberfest is huge here; an excuse to party, eat wurst and warm pretzels, play oompapa band music, and drink lots of beer and wine while dressing like a Bavarian in traditional trachen costumes from the south. Everyone and their mother is Bavarian for Oktoberfest, much like everyone is Irish on St. Patty's Day in North America. Popular colours are blue and white for the Bavarian state flag. Triangle flag banners are the rage to decorate outside your apartment, the more festive, the better. Females wear a dirndl which is a short white blouse, a very tight corset with a low cut bodice, and a full skirt and apron. Hair is usually beribboned with a full band of flowers; oh, and Edelweis necklaces are the trend. Feeling Bavarian, yet?

We moved along to the food section to find Butter. There are lots of butters, so out came the phone again to find out what was unsalted butter. But, then an elderly German man came by and I asked him in German for unsalted butter. 'Enschuldigung, wer ist der butter ohne salz? He looked at me in puzzlement. What I thought I said was, 'Excuse me, which butter is unsalted, but what I really said was, 'Excuse me, who is the butter without salt?' Maybe he thought it was a trick question, but I think that's pretty similar, don't you; I mean, you get the gist of it, don't you? Well, he didn't, so I grabbed any butter and asked bluntly, 'Salz, oder kein salz?' Which means, 'salt, or no salt?' Eureka! He understood, but then because I asked in German, he thought I was fluent and rambled on about butter for the next 5 min. I didn't understand a word of it except the occasional 'butter' word, but nodded and smiled and uttered the occasional 'genau' which means 'exactly' or ja which means yes. It's always best to agree with someone when you don't know what they're saying...I think. Anyway, after the man moved on, Steven asked, so what was that all about? "I have no clue, but let's get this Alpen butter, at least we know where it's from and what the cows ate." So that's how we ended up with the most expensive butter in the store.

We're also still on the hunt for a napkin holder; they do have napkins here, but no where to put them, at least we can't find them. They look at me strangely when I ask for a serviettenhalter. Maybe I'm pronouncing it wrong? Suri is no help as she keeps thinking I'm looking for a Serbian colder. Cheeky! We ended up buying a small woven container and putting a stone on top to keep them from flying away on breezy days.

We always end up with more than what was on the list. But, we were ready this time when we went to pay. At the cash, I was whipping things back in the cart as fast as the cashier pinged them. Steven was wholly impressed. At that very moment, I felt like a native. Oh darn, in the adrenaline high of keeping up with the cashier, we forgot to submit our bottle return receipt. Maybe that's the plan, keep the customers hopping at the cash trying to keep their groceries from falling off the edge and they'll forget all about getting their money back! Hmmmm.

Wallet Returned and Cue Jumpers

Good news! My wallet was found and given in to the Burgerburo ( City Hall) and I received a notice in my mailbox from the Burgermeister requesting my presence at said building.
Steven and I walked there together. I showed them my German passport and they returned the wallet. I looked inside and saw all my cards and receipts there. Unfortunately, all the euros were gone, but I expected that. Still, I was relieved.

Steven surprised me with roses from the market and we also had a lovely dinner made by all of us on the terrace balcony surrounded by flowers and now lights which we had just bought after a lengthy talk on which set was best for us at the store. Then, we weren't sure of the colour and wanted to plug them in. Finally found a powerbar with other things plugged in and plugged in various lights til we found the ones we liked, warm white. Wandering Germans in the hardware store looked on us strangely knowing we were 'Americans' because of the English we spoke, but said nothing. At €18 a pop for a 9 metre string of tube lights, we wanted to be sure because we hate to return things...and trust me, we've returned a lot of things already with still more to go!

The good thing about living where we are in Ratingen is that it is close to everything...at least everything that you need in your daily life. Just beside us is a hair salon, but if I don't like that one, simply cross the narrow 1 way street to find another just a few seconds away. In fact, on our street alone, there are probably 10 hair salons if not more! There's also a curtain place 3 doors away, a flower shop 2 doors away and a few more of them as you walk down to their 'S Bahn' (stadt or city transportation system system) and their DB transportation (Deutsches Bahn) which is transportation to other cities in Germany and other countries), 6 bakeries within a 3 min walk, an Apoteke (drugstore) right on the opposite side of the street, a dry cleaner for Steven's shirts, multiple restaurants and cafes and shops for school supplies, clothing, bed linen and mattresses, an upholstery place, multiple banks, a grocery store 2 min away and other grocery stores within walking distance, medical doctors, two hospitals (Catholic and a Protestant one), a fire hall, a huge swimming complex with indoor and outdoor pools, fitness gyms, dentists, massage therapists, and even a castle right down the road and around the corner from us which is now a restaurant. There's a police station, museums, multiple parks and playgrounds and hiking trails through the woods and even a working water mill. A very cool cemetery, city hall, two churches, schools and ALL within a twenty minute walk or less! And most of these places are in the car less centre where pedestrian is king. I am not going to miss a car at all! Steven chose well.
It's puzzling that Toronto still can't get it's act together and create permanent shopping areas like Yonge/Dundas area to start. The pedestrian traffic is incredible. I mean really; having 10 hair salons on one area and they're ALL in business?!?

Now to change the topic, here's an observation that I've seen. At a store, everyone sort of cues to pay for their purchase, and by sort of, I mean, that they're in line, but it's dog eat dog when the next service person becomes available. Oh yes! We've had first hand experience of this. I was in line to pay for a shirt, and had just looked down to get my wallet out, when suddenly, from out of nowhere, a middle-aged frau jumps from behind me and plonks her items on the counter. I was too stunned to react. Wow! Deliberately too! Not used to that in a store...in Toronto, in a line for the bus, maybe, but a store?!?

Anyway, thinking that she was just very rude, I forgot about it, but I've seen this behaviour over and over again. The impatience to be served, the arrogance in thinking they can jump a cue, and so blatantly too. But quite frankly, the clerks are just as guilty for serving these cue jumpers without a blink of the eye. Happened again to Steven yesterday. At the market, Steven had asked in careful German for a fish sandwich when suddenly a cue jumper interrupted him to ask for the same sandwich. The clerk served the cue jumper first, then another who was getting the same thing! We walked away in disgust. Now, of course, not all Germans are like this, but in the space of 6 weeks, we've noticed it a lot.
What's up with that?!!

Deutsche Bank

Deutsche Bank is our bank, why? This is a question I have asked myself over and over since coming here.

Since it has been in the news lately that they are losing money and not doing well of all the German banks; I am here to tell you why.

They totally suck at customer service - Oh, they're not rude or anything; they'll take your money and information with a big smile and promises, but I can tell you that they are very confused...incompetent...and very exasperating!

Forrest Gump said, 'Stupid is as stupid does.' Well, they're stupid because they lose things, important documents, don't do the things they said they would do etc. And here's proof.
First of all, don't ever confuse them by registering at one bank, then moving and registering at another bank because they won't remember that you did this even though you had to fill out a 10 page document, hand over your passport to be photocopied to prove it's you, and write your signature on said documents at least ten times. Because, inevitably, you'll get a very urgent email saying you must come immediately to your old branch because they are missing your signature.

Now, of course they don't tell you what signature is missing; that's on a need to know basis, and besides, you didn't ask. What I've discovered is that the Germans have been indoctrinated with a military like secrecy. They probably learned it in kindergarten. Never volunteer information; the teacher must ask the right question.

So, back to the bank. It took another email to ask why they need yet another signature. And an email back saying because my address is wrong in their system. Well, it might have helped if they actually had input it on a computer in front of me instead of referring to the ten page document with multiple signatures everywhere, that they probably efficiently filed away somewhere and forgot what they filed it under. And instead of revealing their own incompetence, they just make the customer do the same thing all over again.

Then begain the email train. Of course an email about time because here, you have to make an appontment for everything...and I mean EVERYthing! I said I'd come tomorrow when the bank opened at 10am, but then another email back saying 12 would be better. Of course, just to make sure, I asked for the address. Yet another email back giving the old Dusseldorf bank that I had transferred from. So...an email from me saying BTW, we left your bank because we moved to Ratingen...remember? I will not be going to Dusseldorf, just courier any documents to the Ratingen bank, and I even included the address and bank manager of said bank just in case she sent it to the wrong bank.

Another email back saying she would send the documents to another person and that I should contact her. Sigh...so off I went, saw the new person and signed my signature 10 more times only to see that they had spelled my street name wrong and put Hauptstrasse instead of Hochstrasse. That's where I surmise my missing credit card and pin numbers have gone to. I really should check if I have any money left in the account. Probably where my online banking pin and health card ended up too. There's most likely a really pissed off German Frau getting this info and having the onerous task of sending it back, OR eegads, having to recycle the unwanted paper and bring it down 6 flights of stairs because elevators here are very rare in Europe.

I thought in my ignorance that everything was settled, but no, there were two change of address forms to resubmit and they would need my passport...AGAIN! Even though they had a photocopy of it at the last branch. I guess the banks don't speak to each other, or maybe because they saddle us with the youngest and most inexperienced employees because they're fresh out of school and still retain their English.

Well, I didn't have my passport on me because, silly me didn't think to ASK if I needed to bring it, and again, the Germans don't readily volunteer any info. My fault that I didn't ask the right question!

I told her I'd go back home and get it and she said to hurry because they close at 4:30 and it was now 20 to 4. On the way out, I looked up and the previously blue sky was dark with clouds and spitting rain. Great! No umbrella! Now, I never do this, but I did walk quickly and text Steven asking where he was (At work), and where is my passport? (He had it). Well, so much for returning to the bank that day.
Suddenly interrupted by a call from Elowyn. She had not wanted to come with me, so I left her home to answer the door for packages we were expecting from Amazon. This is how the conversation went:

E - "Where ARE you!?!"

K - "On my way home."

E - "Well, the package people came, you know."

K- "Good, did you answer the bell and let them in?"

E - "Yes, but then it got confusing."

K- "Why?"

E - "They wanted me to sign for the package."

K- "And? Did you?"

E- "Well, I saw your name on the package, so I had to pretend I was you, so I printed your name, but then they wanted my signature, or your signature and since I wasn't sure how to 
forge your signature, I wrote my signature. AND the guy didn't speak a lick of English."

K - "We ARE in Germany you know, they don't have to. Did you get the package though?"

E- "Yes!' (then she hung up)

Teens and banks! Grrrrrrrr!